A mini-milestone ....

Wheeeew ... and I say that with a long, powerful exhale that changes that single syllable into a meaningful message. The end of today will mark one month on my diet. Or one year. Or one lifetime. It's all becoming a blur to me, although my body keeps sending me messages that seem to translate into, "And just WHO exactly thought this was a good idea??"

See, all dieting ALWAYS breaks down into one, single component: which celebrity is endorsing it ... no, that's not right. It's all about getting my body to use more calories than it is receiving. Then the body releases it's stored calories (fat), the fat is used up and ultimately goes (and this is just my theory) where single socks go from the dryer. Honestly, I don't care where it goes just as long as it leaves me. If there is some parallel universe where right now someone is putting on all the weight I am losing and saying, "I don't understand why I'm gaining weight when I never overeat?", who cares. This is war, baby, and my loss is my loss. So kiss my (choose a body part) parallel universe person!! 'Tis better to give than to receive, and I'm giving until it hurts!

I have had some success so far on the diet. This morning I marked 25 pounds lost. If I say 25.4 pounds, then you may better understand how I really feel about all this. The diet I am on - I drink essentially a "protein drink" three times a day that totals about 800 calories (or approximately 13 points to all the Weight Watcher fans) - is the most unnatural diet imaginable. The body is meant to eat something, and when it isn't, it has mechanisms that kick in and react to the lack of sustenance. That's the physical part, and it is very real. I have had recurring headaches, nausea, and I'll be going along just great and then suddenly simply run out of energy to the point of feeling like I could pass out. My stamina on the golf course is very suspect, and I have had to sit out a couple of holes in a round while I make a drink, ingest it and wait for it to kick in. I have also had a pretty good bout of dizziness from time to time, and I don't think there's anything more completely debilitating than being dizzy. Dizziness doesn't just effect your ability to break open a pinata - it knocks out whoever it chooses to attack, and it's my least favorite side effect.

Ah, but the physical part is just one component. The emotional part - the psychological part - now that's the interesting angle. I know some of the psychological issue is created by my body's reaction to starvation, because I have days where eating means nothing to me and I have to consciously remember to drink my drinks ... and the next day I feel like I could eat the piano if I had a little mustard. But I'm working on it.

But here's the real key I'm working on: I can use food in conjunction with socializing, to facilitate taking a break and for all around enjoyment - but it just doesn't have to be tons of food. My stomach has shrunk until now it is hard for me to consume an entire bottle of Arrowhead water with my two packets of protein powder. That's too much volume for my stomach. So the way I see it, all I have to do is get my head around the idea that I can survive (and perhaps thrive) on food quantities that mirror that experience. That would mean cutting a Chipoltle Burrito into like five segments when I am used to eating 90% (OK, sometimes 100%) of it. What a quantum shift that would be? A Lean Cuisine would actually be enough food for a meal? I could order and be satisfied with a 6" Subway sandwich? Can I overcome my disbelief in that concept when I return to eating again?

Honestly, from where I stand right now, Weight Watchers look like glutonous pigs to me. A little harsh, you say? Pound sand, oh judgmental reader. Nutrisystem? Jenny Craig? Drag a mile in my moccasins and see how you feel, Valerie Bertinelli. Give a twirl to show off your new figure and drop in a dizzy heap to the floor. Let's see if you can keep that bright smile when the only food group you have access to is gum.

Moving on ... did I mention I'm down 25.4 pounds? Probably did ... can't think clearly ... repeating myself a lot ... have to go now. Survival is calling me.

Love to all.